I've been trying to write a post about some of the essays my students wrote for their final exam and I'm finding it really difficult because more than a handful have dealt with spousal or child abuse.

A couple essays talked about how brave and strong their Mom was because they worked, did all the housework, gave amazing emotional support to them and their siblings. But under all of it their Mom's lived in fear that one day their husband would go too far and not just beat them "badly" but kill her.

One student wrote how her father was on the verge of killing her Mom (with the neighbors watching but not doing much to get him off of her) so she took a steel rod to his head in order to protect her Mom. And you know what the neighbors response was? "You shouldn't have done that. You're a bad daughter." She wrote that agreed with them but was only trying to protect her Mom. I wrote in the margins of her paper that she was not a bad daughter and did the right thing.

Another student wrote about how her uncle beat her legs so badly with a bamboo rod that they bled and she had problems walking all because she didn't do her homework to his standards. This was after her burnt her homework to ash. She went on to say that she understood why he did what he did because he did want her to get spoiled. She was in elementary school at the time.

These essays, and the others like them make me want to tear my hair out. They also make me want to go out find these men and beat the holy living crap out of them.

Spousal and child abuse is still extremely common in China. There are no safety nets for abused women and children. None. Zero. It's seen as a family matter by the state, something not to get involved with. It's also seen as something to be expected. Women are still treated as second class citizens and things are especially bad for women living in the countryside.

I gave an end of semester talk to my students today and one of the things I talked about was self-respect and that no woman should allow herself to be beaten by her boyfriend/husband. If it happens leave, don't care what your parents and neighbors say, because no one deserves it, no one. I then told the young men that if they ever hit their girlfriend or wife I will come to China and beat the crap out of them.

I just hope they heard me.

*The title comes from a common Chinese saying a friend told me.