I was talking with one of the teachers about families and children the other day. It seems that Niels & I are getting the "When are you having a baby?" question a lot more recently, which sometimes annoys me, but then I realize I'm an anomaly to many people here so I just usually let it go, but more on that in a moment.

In discussing families and family planning differences between the States and China I asked my teacher friend if teachers who want to start a family need to get permission from the school leaders, I already had an idea of what she'd say but I wanted to get confirmation. Not surprisingly she said yes, teachers do. Then she went on to state that the school's was given a quota on how many teachers could be pregnant a year, and it's 10. The quota didn't surprise me, but the quota size did, considering there are  probably over 300 teachers, so the quota coupled with the number of teachers doesn't seem to make the odds of a teacher being allowed to have a child high. But then I look out my kitchen window, wander around campus and it's baby central. I'm constantly amazed how many children there are under the age of 5 who live here. It's a little overwhelming and a little scary because it's just not isolated to campus but when I am out and about in the area it's like this as well. There are babies everywhere and I feel like they're taking over the city.

One of the big things we talked about was how the responsibility of raising a child doesn't fall to the parents, but to the grandparents. For many young children (this is also true of most of my students) their primary caregiver has never been Mom and Dad. It's something that I've not grown used to, which I attributed to a cultural difference. For me it's always been if you have a child it's your duty to raise them not someone else's. I'm all for Mom & Dad asking for help, god knows I'm going to need it. But there's a part of me that's bothered when all, not some, of the parental duties are given to someone else. But then when I hear how people often have children not because they want them but because their parents want grandchildren then I understand more. I don't agree with it, but I understand more why the duties fall the to grandparents.

She then asked when Niels & I are going to have kids. When asked this question, I always respond with "if" because we're still on the fence. We're so not in any financial situation to bring a child into the world right now. We really like it just being the two of us, enjoying each other's company. When I mentioned this my friend was really surprised, because but for many couples not having a child is not an option, they are coerced into it by family and cultural tradition, even if they can't really afford to have a child. She told me I was brave for waiting to have kids, I don't think I'm brave by any means but I am aware of my limitations. What I didn't tell her is that if one has a pregnancy scare and cries not tears of joy but tears of freaked outness, that is a telltale sign that you're not ready for kids.

I like talking with this teacher about cultural differences between China and the States, I get very honest answers from her and it really is a cultural exchange. Plus, she doesn't cringe and tell me that at 36 I'll be too old to start a family or think I'm a bad person if I don't have children. Conversations with her a breath of fresh air. (I had an acquaintance tell me that I better start RIGHT NOW because I'm already getting up there in years, at the ripe old age of 32. I'm always too flabbergasted at these sorts of interactions to come up with a sarcastic response.)