Ugh. Last night I had one of the worst night's sleep in recent memory, and I've been sleeping for crap the past couple weeks. I had three anxiety dreams wrapped up in one, which made it all the more difficult to deal with because it was so life like.

I dreamt that my old boss, was still really mad at me and was doing all he could to get me fired. One of the things he did was remove the walls from my cubicle which would allow everyone to see what I was working on. He also told those around me to tell him if I wasn't doing my job. At one point he cornered me and told me that he wanted me gone by February, and if that couldn't happen he would post my job and if he found someone more suitable I'd be let go.

On top of that, I had just found out I was pregnant with twins (this is not the first dream I've had where I'm pregnant with twins). While my friends were all excited for me, upon telling my family, their reaction was "Are you sure having kids is a good idea?"

The last intermingled this was that I found out a job I had interviewed for, in my dream, that I really wanted went to someone else. I was completely crushed because I thought the interview went really well and had a good feeling about it.

What the hell, man!? What. The. Hell.

Who has issues? No, not me!!

Oh Hai! Sorry I've not been around. The summer session is kicking my arse, and I've barely my head above water. So why am I blogging? Because when I'm stressed and overwhelmed I go into a state of deep procrastination.

I've Praxis I tomorrow morning, for which I'm not prepared whatsoever. I totally forgot I had registered for it until last week. And with all the schoolwork I had to do for this week very little last minute studying got done.

Next week, in addition to the reading I've to do for class, I've a midterm for Quantitative Research Methods and a grammar quiz in Linguistics that I have to take as part of my program.

I had a QRM quiz last week, and I bombed it, as in nearly failed, so I have to do really, really well on the midterm to make up for the horrid quiz grade. I didn't think I did as badly on the quiz as I did, so it was a bit of a shock.

And as for the grammar quiz, I'm up a creek. I've no clue what the terminology of anything is, and if I don't pass the quiz on Thursday I'm not sure what that means for my program.

So, I'm feeling a bit stresed and on the verge of having a freak out. Which would be bad. Instead I'm going to go back to reading for Linguisitics and try to remain calm(ish).

When I came back to the States my job situation was such that I had to get health insurance through Student Health because it was unclear when, or if, I would ever gain permanent status.

In April, when my status finally changed I was unable to afford the monthly cost, so continued with my student health plan, even though it is sub-par. About a month ago, I began looking into alternative health insurance options with the expiration of my student health on the near horizon.

I went online, god love the Internet, and applied for a plan, through Aetna, that was affordable and had almost everything I wanted. It wasn't the best plan, but one that would fit my needs until I can get a teaching job and insurance through my school.

About a day after applying I received an email saying that I had been denied, and couldn't figure out why. But an insurance representative was going to contact me and discuss why and further options.

Well, the representative never called. Instead I got an email telling me that because my BMI is too high (read: you're fat) and suffering from depression such that requires me to take anti-depressants they cannot offer me a plan.

So, because I'm trying to improve my health (eating better and taking care of my mental health) you're denying me? Seriously?

Hey Aetna. You suck.

Not much to say today, other than I'm tired. So here's a very recent photo of Little G.

One year ago today, on Bastille Day, Niels & I returned, for the foreseeable future, from overseas. I can't believe how fast the year's gone. It doesn't seem like it's been a year already.

There are times where I still feel like I've gotten back and am going through a culture shock. It's usually when I'm grocery shopping and am floored at the cost of veggies or the lack of selection of tofu products. There were so many things I couldn't get while in China, but they were overshadowed by the things I could get.

While in China, I never fully felt a part of my community, part of it had to deal with my ethnicity, part of it had to deal with how the school treated me, and part of it were my own insecurities. Since being back, I've been able to slide back into my life prior to leaving, but with a greater appreciation for DC as well as a better understanding of myself and my own limitations (deciding to go on anti-depressants last years has aided in the leveling of my mood swings which were problematic in China).

I miss China on a regular basis, but that chapter has ended. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I love where I am now.

Summer session started Monday evening, and I'm adjusting to being back in a classroom. (Read: I'm really, really tired.) Having class four night a week from 6-9pm or 6-8:30pm depending on the day is kicking my arse. The upside to it all is that I'll be done August 13th, not 28th like originally thought which will give me a two week break before the fall semester starts that I didn't think I'd have.

I'm not sure how I feel about my quantitative research methods class yet, but think it could be a good class. The professor's super excited about the topic and understands most of us aren't stats people and tries to make it accessible, that will be extremely helpful, since I'm so NOT math savvy (which makes me a little sad).

I think I'm going to LOVE my linquistics class, the fact that it's a topic I've an existing interest doesn't hurt.

Have been meaning to post, but keep getting distracted by life.

Summer session starts next week which means my life will go from being nice and tame to insane. I'm taking two classes (Quantitative Research Methods and Linguistic Applications in ESL) which will entail being in class Monday thru Thursday from 6 to 9/9:30pm. I'm looking forward to the classes, especially the linguistics class, but I'm not looking forward to losing my evenings. Especially now that Niels is done with his summer class and his internships are winding down and he'll have a lot of free time. The fact that our schedules have not meshed in anyway this summer has been frustrating, but such is life when graduate school is involved. I'm hoping things will settle down in the next six months or so which will allow us to spend time together! (A girl can dream, can't she?)

I'm off to Buffalo tomorrow evening to spend time with the family for the holiday. I'm looking forward to it, especially since I spent all of 5 minutes with the niece and nephews when I was up two weeks ago for my Mom's birthday party. I'll try to post while I'm there, but I may fall off the blogosphere again.

PS - A shout out to Bread for the City for raising the money to cover May's food gap!